Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service
Many Gendered Things
Blitherings from a PolyPanTrans Desert Girl
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
PSA - High blood pressure = hair loss!
Posted:Mar 3, 2018 12:21 pm
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2019 7:09 pm

First of all - I am no doctor, and I have never played one on TV! Go see a doctor before you act on anything I say here!!

Hair loss is a subject near and dear to most everyone, particularly us later-life blooming gals. And blood pressure is certainly an important thing to keep under control, for a great variety of reasons.

Well, if you didn't already know this; high blood pressure is also being recognized as a cause of hair loss. This is why minoxidil is now a topical hair loss medication; it was initially prescribed for controlling blood pressure, but had the noted side effect of decreasing hair loss.
Side note: Spironolactone is one of the most common medications prescribed for M-F transgender hormone therapy, because it hinders testosterone production. This was initially discovered as a side effect when men were prescribed Spironolactone for, natch; high blood pressure! They also started to develop breasts, because the Spiro was strangling their testosterone production.

I can now lend my own experience to the discussion. Along with high blood pressure developing in the past few years, I have been seeing some alarming hair loss.

I finally started doing something about it last October when I got my doctor to prescribe meds for blood pressure. And I REALLY got serious around last December when I also started working on reducing my alchohol intake, and taking a 30-minute walk every morning. Thankfully, my Bella gives me motivation to keep up the walks; she gets vocal with me in the morning when she knows it's time for walkies!

The worst blood pressure reading I had back in October was 154/99 !! I havent seen any readings above 135over84 in the past month, and most of my readings are BELOW 120over80 now.

And finally, Im seeing MUCH fewer hairs in my brushes and around the house, and my hair seems just a little fuller again; YAAAAY!

So there ya have it ladies and germs! Ive heard the same warnings for years about blood pressure most of us do, but hair loss is what motivated me to do something about it.
Besides accepting I needed medication; modifying my alchohol intake has probably been the hardest thing to do, still working on keeping that up. But adding just a little regular exercise seems to have been the most beneficial thing of all, and largely painless!

Get out there kiddies, and start walking every day!

Thanks for listening!

Test post for group members
Posted:Feb 9, 2018 11:48 am
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2018 8:45 am

This message is just a test to see if members of a group can access blog posts.
Journeys in the spectrum
Posted:Sep 27, 2013 12:26 pm
Last Updated:Feb 21, 2018 8:36 am

I was talking with a group of people today about how we each see our life's journey as it relates to gender, and where we find ourselves most comfortable:

I've seen the journey as more of a pendulum shift to my center; after abandoning one pole and swinging to the far extreme, it left some of my essence in limbo and I found the need to swing back a bit before I found a harmonious stasis.

Certainly, my center has reacquired the polarity it always should have had; and it's one that is opposite to what I was forced into at birth. But the entire essence of my being still stretches across what were previously boundaries; it's erased those boundaries and I feel I have access to all of my potential.

Thanks for listening.
Transgender persons and bathroom etiquette.
Posted:Apr 13, 2013 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Jan 16, 2018 9:53 am

To all my transgender friends - For goodness sake, PLEASE don't take this or use this as a reason to fight amongst ourselves or bring up alphabet soup labels that divide us!!
I implore everyone to maintain respect, dignity, and kindness with one another as we discuss this!

Some of you might know I've been involved with the recent legislative fight going on in Arizona about transgender persons' rights to use a bathroom.
The recent attention the issue has received is not going to blow over or diminish. As gay and lesbian people are increasingly gaining their rights across the nation, this means that the hateful or ignorant will be forced to choose new targets to discriminate against.
I have also witnessed how we are often pawns in an overall contest between conservative and liberal groups. As gay and lesbian people gain their rights legislatively, their issues are no longer on the table as bargaining chips. Guess who's rights are next in this ugly shell game?

I can tell you from listening to the points the opposition that supports these bills are saying, that trans people of all sorts still have a very real image problem with a lot of people. I have seen that this image problem exists even among people who you wouldn't otherwise expect have any prejudices towards anyone.

I know as much as anybody that this image problem is often voiced by those who are ignorant about trans people, and unfortunately too bigoted or hateful to want to learn. Certainly, many of the fears these people have are groundless and often brought about by the false impressions popular media constantly portrays of us.
But these persons' fears are still very real to them, and they do act on them; even if it is out of ignorance.

I have to imagine that most transgender people here would also say their own bathroom behavior is beyond reproach; that you always conduct yourself in a restroom like a lady, or a man in case of trans men.

MSNBC reported about an incident in Idaho that played out very recently. A transgender woman has been banned from a grocery store over her alleged conduct in the grocery store bathroom. There is some question about what exactly happened, but the report has stated that there were multiple complaints about this trans woman using the restroom, and standing up to urinate.

As much as I wish it weren't true that this sort of thing occurs, as much as I wish we could always attribute reports like this to ignorant or hateful falsehoods; certainly they are often unsubstantiated falsehoods or misunderstandings. But I do have trans woman friends who have witnessed this sort of thing first hand from other trans women.

Again, PLEASE don't take this or use this as a reason to fight amongst ourselves or bring up alphabet soup labels that divide us! If you want to be ugly about it, please go elsewhere.

If you do sometimes use the bathroom this way when out as a lady, I only ask you to please consider what impact this has on people who witness it, what that does to their impressions about trans people everywhere; ultimately too, how it impacts us all later when incidents like this come up and the harm it does to trans persons' unity as a group.

I respect that every person has a right to use a bathroom and not have their behavior scrutinized or judged. I wish we lived in a world where everyone minded their own business and just let everyone be.
The unfortunate reality is that we don't have that luxury, and it isn't going to happen soon.
Thanks for listening.
Posted:Mar 30, 2013 9:41 am
Last Updated:Oct 17, 2013 9:08 am

To fill you in on the bathroom bill thing going on in Arizona:

John Kavanaugh is the Republican (go figure) who is pushing the bill; he's changed the original bill after the first round of pressure and media attention we generated, it's now Arizona SB 1045 instead of 1432.
The original bill explicitly criminalized trans people; he changed that much, though it certainly wasn't because he learned anything helpful. We just made it clear it wasn't going to stand up well legally, so he had to change it for it to have a chance of passing.
The new bill still accomplishes the same things, but casts the net even wider; now it encompasses anybody who has a gender "presentation" that doesn't match what is on their birth certificate. This includes butch women or effeminate men.

The committee that voted on the revised bill is made up of 7 Republicans and 4 Democrats, in other words, the deck was stacked to begin with. The measure was passed by the committee, as we expected.

All is certainly not lost, there is more that has to happen before this becomes law. We won, in forcing him to change the original bill, and we can win again, but we need as much help as we can get.

Kavanaugh's motivation really hasn't got much to do with what he thinks about trans folk. He's paying back his debt's to an organization called Center For Arizona Policy, or CAP. They are a religious hate group who funded a sizeable portion of his election campaign.

Outside pressure helps, so even if you don't live in Arizona; you can certainly help. We need to keep contacting these lawmakers; call, write, or email them constantly.
This is important to everyone, because if it becomes law it will set a precedent that allows random discrimination against ANYONE who doesn't fit the rules for gender presentation; it's absolutely being watched by those groups that will try to implement it elsewhere.
Please Google "Arizona State SB1045", or John Kavanaugh, or CAP to learn more. Also, please feel free to ask me; I'd be happy to share any information I have about this.

Thanks gang!
Posted:Sep 3, 2012 11:31 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2013 5:10 pm

2. So you’re going to get your penis cut off?

Another impressively common one. In short, no. That’s not how it works.

I hope I don’t squick you all out too much, but I’ll provide a really rough, basic explanation of one of the common forms of MtF lower surgery (aka SRS, sexual reassignment surgery, aka GRS, genital reconstruction surgery, aka vaginoplasty), using the “inversion method”.
The penis is basically split into three pieces. The tip is sort of detached from the bulk of the shaft to be formed into a clitoris. The skin of the shaft is removed and the shaft itself split down the middle. It is then inverted into a vaginal canal such that the exterior circumference of the shaft serves as the vaginal lining. This preserves sensation in the event of penetrative sex as well as allows for a certain degree of natural lubrication during arousal.
The testes are indeed discarded but they’re pretty much the only bit of tissue that doesn’t get used. The scrotal tissue is used to form outer labia and create the aesthetic appearance of a typical female vulva. Remaining tissue and skin get used to form a clitoral hood and add additional depth to the vaginal canal as needed.

The procedure is remarkably effective, and has come quite a long way over the decades. Transwomen today are able to preserve considerable sensation (often no loss of sensation reported at all), and very many report greatly improved sexual satisfaction and full orgasmic potential. The outward appearance is virtually indistinguishable from any other woman’s vulva. The only two things that are typically at all noticeable are that if your partner is particularly well-endowed, he may notice a slight lack of depth, and the vaginal canal is often a little bit steeper than in cis women, though that can be prevented by a trans woman taking care to exercise proper technique while dilating (a process required to ensure the vaginal canal doesn’t close).

There are a few things that I find particularly troubling about this misconception, or even just casual joking reference to “cutting off your dick”. One is reinforcement of the classic misogynist myth that women are incomplete men. Women are men, minus a few pieces. Female genitals are just the absence of male genitals. Castration anxiety, penis envy, blah blah blah, etc. Clearly, that is not true. Women are their own sex, not simply lesser men. So why should we assume that acquiring girl bits is as simple as lopping off the boy bits and carving a gash?

The other problem is how it reinforces an image of transwomen as sexless, mutilated Barbie dolls. It reinforces the idea that we have simply discarded our sex rather than asserting for ourselves what we feel deprived of. It is reductive, and imagines our new state as “less” than our previous one. It reinforces the sense that we’ve rendered ourselves inferior by sacrificing our maleness.
Posted:Aug 28, 2012 9:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2017 7:38 pm

1. Trans women are just really, really, REALLY gay.

Short answer: sex, gender and sexuality do not have a deterministic relationship to one another.

This one is impressively persistent, and unbelievably common. It was even pulled out recently while Lance Bass, an openly gay man, was guest-hosting Access Hollywood. The truth is fairly simple: gender identity and sexual orientation have nothing whatsoever to do with one another. A fairly common adage used to address this misunderstanding is “sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is about who you go to bed as.”

One way to address this is to simply point out the existence of trans lesbians (that is, trans women who are attracted to other women). Problem solved. Let’s go have tea and scones.

A lot of this confusion stems from how strongly we associate behaviour with gender. The cultural assumption of heterosexuality as the norm is so intrinsic, we see gay men as being somehow in defiance of what it is to be a man. They become regarded as female-like or transgender simply by engaging in a mode of sexuality that is more common for women than men, even though many gay men express themselves in an almost hyper-masculine way. This misconception is amplified by our overemphasis of sex and sexuality when thinking about gender and what gender means, so we can end up regarding any expression of gender as being about sexuality. Such as the widespread assumption by men that women dress nice or stylishly or sexily primarily as a means of attracting men, rather than simply an expression of their own identity and feelings that day.

This myth is damaging to both trans women and gay men alike. It also often leads to trans issues being swept aside or subsumed within broader discussions of LGB issues, when this is often the primary thing transpeople are trying to differentiate about themselves as compared to GLB folk.
The Male Gaze
Posted:Aug 16, 2012 1:36 pm
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2015 9:13 am

The following is an article I am using after adjusting some grammar, by permission of it's author. Please note that the text in blue is all a quote:

The Male Gaze, a constant presence in a transwoman’s life

THE GUERRILLA ANGEL REPORT — The object of desire. One of the things transwomen come to realize somewhere along the transition path is the constant stare from cisgender males. Also known as the Male Gaze, it is a sort of a visual harassment. While not everyone finds it distasteful and some may even invite the Male Gaze, its presence in women’s lives is constant and permanent.

For cisgender women, the Male Gaze is so prevalent, many forget it’s there. For transwomen however, the relatively sudden awareness of the ever present Male Gaze can be troubling.

“[a cisgender male] sees not merely the object of the gaze, but sees the relationship between the object and the self. He sees her as a creature of his domain, under his gaze of possession — simultaneously admiring and pejorative, but always as an object of his desire in his domain.” - St Lawrence University glossary

Being an object of desire is especially dangerous for transwomen as a hair-trigger exists for some cisgender males; at the moment they’ve read you, you’re now a target for violence.

I’m thinking that for many transwomen, they come to realize that “passing” was never a prerequisite for gender change and have adapted themselves to living with the expectation of being “outed” by a cisgender male at any time resulting in the Male Gaze being somewhat masked.

For those that do pass, some may find the Male Gaze some sort of affirmation, a thrill, or a source of income; for others though, awareness of the Male Gaze is a rude awakening into the mind of the often-ugly cisgender male.

I really like the point the article makes about the St. Lawrence University quote. The presumptive "ownership" of women that men nearly always operate under is so pervasive that it's hardly questioned or noted for being the way violence towards transwomen starts.
It is just this point that so many men (and most cisgender people, gay or otherwise) miss when discussing the disclosure they feel is due them from a transwoman. It is presumed in the male mind that they have the right to ownership of anything they wish to pursue, anything they see. Objectifying women is so ingrained in the male mind, they cannot see their part in the play; instead their reaction is violence for having been "sold a false bill of goods", which was never really theirs to begin with.
Thanks for listening.
1 comment
Posted:Jul 7, 2012 10:32 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2015 10:34 pm

The following is a note I recently sent in reply to somebody who sent me a message that said "Your pictures would fool me if I didn't know". I have expounded here a bit from the text of the original note, for the sake of clarity.

Popular media has bred a hurtful misconception about transwomen, in that we are often portrayed as "deceivers" who are purposely trying to "fool" people into thinking we are something we are not.
Unfortunately, it's something non-transgender people ("cisgender" is the correct term for a non-transgender person) have picked up on and seem to feel is the truth, and without knowing any better they assume that is the motivation of every nice looking transperson.

One of the biggest reasons this is hurtful is because behind it's assumptions, it subtly insinuates (even if you didn't mean to) that a transwoman (or transman) is somehow not a "real" woman (or "real" man, in the case of a transman). Whether or not you believe we are "real" is besides the point; if there really were no question in somebody's mind that we are who we present ourselves as, they wouldn't have any need to say something like this.

It never seems to occur to cisgender people that besides simply wanting to look nice just as most people do, a transgender person's real motivation is more commonly to simply not be picked out as a freak so we don't get robbed, beaten, shot, or worse. Whether we have "fooled" anybody is usually the last thought on our mind (if at all), and in most cases (mine included), we don't think we are really "fooling" anybody.

I'm not usually offended or hurt myself by this kind of comment, because I know you likely didn't mean any harm by it and maybe you thought you were paying me a compliment. But if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know and you'd continue to perpetuate the idea.

To help you avoid something like this in the future, the simple test for any comment you might make to a transwoman is to ask yourself if the comment is something you would say to any woman you knew was NOT transgender. If the comment wouldn't make sense being said to any other woman, it's probably hurtful or ignorant to say to a transgender woman; even if you mean it as a compliment.

Thanks for listening

My Vegas trip
Posted:May 15, 2012 12:54 pm
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2015 3:05 pm

My Vegas trip was a blast!
If you are ever there, do make the time to go see the Erotic Heritage Museum. It's not tacky or sleazy like you might expect, but actually very nicely done. Entry is free, though they do ask for donations.
We went there with a friend who is into rope bondage, and their group holds their meetings at the museum. The group was made up of couples and triples that all performed and demonstrated their rope bondage skills.
Everyone was fully clothed, and while it was certainly very erotic it was also very beautiful and loving to watch. I came away with an appreciation that, just like in trans-porn; pornography cheapens what the real world thing is truly all about.

The Power Exchange was also very naughty fun too! The place is huge, it's clean and has plenty of things to see or do, many different rooms that are all themed. Entry is free to women and transgirls, and they'll even give you one bottle of water for free if you ask. There is a vending machine with water and soft drinks that are a bit pricey. I'm not sure if you can bring your own things to drink or not, but I didn't see any prohibitions against it. No alchohol is allowed and smoking is only allowed outside.

The themed rooms all have no doors, so anyone who wants to can watch from the door, but there's a chain you can hang across the doorway with a sign that means "stay out" in case you don't want anybody to join your fun. This is strictly enforced, and there were two bouncers present to do so!

There are also many common areas, including several stripper poles and a bondage area, as well as a couple large rooms with sofas and chairs to just sit and talk or relax. I'm sure you could play in those areas too if you wanted to have your play be open to anybody that asked to join in.
There are video screens all over the place playing XXX vids. They have a room with clean used clothing for sale, with some nice clothes at very low prices too! So if you can't bring clothes or want to try a different outfit, you could do so. Ohh, they also have a tanning booth too.
My only negative observation about the venue is that I thought the theme rooms were all just a little too dark. There is nice mood lighting present and you can generally see what is going on but I thought it could be a little brighter. Maybe that's just the exhibitionist in me talking, and I'm sure it's impossible to please everyone on something like that. It occurs to me now to ask if there were some way to adjust the lighting, I didn't think to look or ask then.

I went to the club from our hotel with shorts on over a bikini bathing suit; we had our toys, lube, condoms, wallet, and outfit for the night in an easy to carry bag. They supply condoms and paper towels, but not much else. My suggestion is to bring a box of wet wipes, that was the only thing we regretted not bringing with us.

There were plenty of T-folk there of every variety to play with as well as cisgender guys and gals. We got there around 9PM and we were about the only people there, but by midnight there were lots of people.
When we got there, I changed my clothes. I was wearing a black lace crotchless body stocking with a g-string and pink heels. I have an adorable pink collar that I wore, my SO had fun taking me around the place by leash and we got plenty of attention from everyone there! A couple guys were obviously following us around hoping we were gonna invite them to our play, giggles.

My fantasy for the night was to have my arms tied behind my back, with a ball gag in place so my SO could control things when I got too mouthy (or if I were required to share oral service), lol. From there, I had hoped she would take me around and offer me up to whoemever she decided. It was exciting to think someone else had control of when to "reveal what I've got going on".

Alas; since this was her first time at something like this and our first time doing something publicly sexual together, we didn't really get that far. We both had never been there either, so it was all a little too much new stimulus. We did play twice in one of the rooms and I know she orgasmed a lot quicker than she usually does though, giggles.
I share that to point out that even in a polyamorous relationship it's important to keep experiences like this in perspective and remember that everyone's expectations aren't always fully met. It takes time to bring someone new to these things to the same level of comfort you might have.

I know that in the past I would probably have just lost patience and told the other to get lost while I went off and tried to have my own fun; then I would feel lousy and guilty about it later. Thankfully I am with someone now who is totally worth working it out! We stopped at one point to just talk about it all and shared our fears and expectations, and agreed we'd love to come back another time now that we both know what to expect.

We still had a blast, and we created growth in our relationship and within each other. I love being poly!

1 comment
Just sharing.
Posted:Apr 26, 2012 1:43 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2017 7:41 pm

The following was my reply in a transgender persons support group to the question, "What was your first time out in public?" :

It's hard for me to nail that one down for sure, but I think the following story was likely my first time:

I was still in the military at the time, and committed to finishing my 20 years; being caught out dressing would have been a huge disaster. At least I thought so at the time, now I'm not so sure about that, but I digress.

My car at the time was a loud, souped-up hot rod that I had built and I used to drag race with. No pun intended! Not exactly the best vehicle to be inconspicuous in, but it was all I had besides my motorcycle.

The best idea for an outing that I could drum up the courage for, was a trip through a fast food drive-through. I still have no idea whether it was my appearance, the car, or maybe the terror in my voice; maybe it wasn't what I thought at all? Whatever it was, I was certain the guy at the drive-through window had clocked me instantly and that's what I could see he was telling his coworker about after he closed the window to go put my order together. I think my heart was broken, and I remember the hot sting of tears in my eyes.

He finally finished my order and brought it to the window, and I handed him my money. I have never wanted to be invisible so much as I did right at that moment, and I was desperate to get out of there as soon as possible.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally brought back my change and what he said still seems so hugely inexplicable and filled with portent. Nonetheless, it was without any detectable trace of sarcasm that he simply handed me my change and said, "Thank you miss, have a nice night."

It's really been a lot of years since then, but I have always done my best to remember my feelings from that night and from all the other trials I have been through. I keep them in my heart for every other person I encounter who is going through what I did, whatever that might be in pursuit of.
My Pool (or Friends, Love, and Life)
Posted:Apr 3, 2012 10:00 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2017 7:43 pm

When you come to my pool, I'm just happy you are here. You won't find that I ask much more of you than your company and kindness. I like you just as you are, please feel free to be yourself.

When people leave my pool, even if it's to go be in someone else's pool; it doesn't bother me. You don't take anything from my pool but the experience, and having shared the experience I lose nothing.

Yeah ok, people actually take some of what's in the pool with you when you go. I hope it lasts and keeps you feeling good. I hope you'll come back for more. I'll never forget you were here, and I'll treasure the experience. But more of what my pool needs always comes back. I think the people I know in heaven send it; as it seems to fall from the skies like rain.

My pool is big. Really big! My pool has a deep end and a shallow end. Some people stay in the shallow end, but we still have a lot of fun.

Some people sit at the edge and that's really great too. Some cannot have the chemicals from the pool on them right now, some are afraid of the water. I don't see them as much, but I'm still glad they are there.

I know I have a nice pool. But I'm still just as insecure as anyone so I'm not always sure anyone wants to enjoy it. I really don't like being alone in my pool though sometimes it's dirty and I need to be alone to clean it; but I know it's safe and somebody will come eventually.

When I need help with my pool, I will be the first to ask you. Help being pushed upon me without my asking isn't help, you are butting in uninvited. I'm working on it, but I'm not often nice about this.

I don't know how deep my pool is. No one has reached bottom yet.

There are lot's of things we can do in my pool. Most everyone can swim, but some of you just like to be there and not do anything. That's cool.

Some people want to be the only person in my pool. It makes me very sad that they feel they have to leave when someone else comes in, but they will be welcome back when they know they can share. There are some people who I cry about because they may never learn this and I won't see them again. It sure was nice when they were here……

Sometimes it's really hot and I swim naked. I like playing then too, with as many as care to do so. As long as you are clean, I don't care too much what you look like or what you wear. If everyone is having fun and nobody is getting hurt, whether it's volleyball or playing catch; it's all good. Just don't get mad because I play on all the teams. Sometimes we need special equipment. Sometimes I can just referee or take pictures!

I like to find people who can live with all of the above and still want to stay in my pool and get pruney with me. I'll do my best to adore you.

Every pool has them. I wish I didn't need any.

1. Don't lie. Ever. Lying by omission is still lying.
2. It's perfectly okay if you play in other's pools, I will. Just stay clean. See #1.
3. If you are married and want to play alone in my pool with me, please tell me you are married; I will want to SEE you both before we do. No notes from mommy. See #1.
4. Be nice, don't be mean or nasty and pee in my pool. I know accidents happen though. The third time is no accident.
5. Please respect my pool and all the 'things' around it. I worked hard for them and I like to keep them nice.
6. Don't try to change my pool. Kindly put suggestions or insights are always appreciated though.
7. Don't try to own my pool. It's being open is part of it's beauty. If you can appreciate that, it will always be open to you.

To link to this blog (MJputergurl) use [blog MJputergurl] in your messages.

60 F
March 2018
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
whitewine2613  72M9/6